Bucket Of Peace

(Asleep)

It was that dream again. I woke up in the repeated dream. We’re stuck on the top- it’s an old house with torn walls. I peep out of the doors that face the balcony and see men sitting half up, staring at us like we’re the meat. They’ll catch us at any glimpse. It’s very disturbing. The watchmen don’t let us walk out of here easily. The only way to get out is to throw water on them, let them throw water back at us while we run and never get caught. We were three or four of us here. I can’t exactly remember, but we’re all girls. I know living here was a pain. I know escape was a dream. I could see myself broken.

(Awake)

I drown my face in a bucket of water. I stay still under water for a while. This is my bucket of peace and there’s just not enough water to dip anything more.

I tell myself I can do this. I get up, put myself back together in bed. My eyes feel drenched in blood and sleep. And, I still wait to fall back to sleep.

(Asleep)

This has been tough. It was that dream again. The scenes of that dream, fast forward aching my closed eyes and open ears. Sound effects are just plain noises now. Finally, I see myself sitting in a corner of the torn walled room. I have my knees closer to my breast and chin. It’s like seeing myself in a recording of an old shot video. It’s all black and white- grey scaled. I feel someone or something above me. I don’t know where my eyes were earlier, I don’t know what my head did at all but, I look up and my eyes get stained with drops of thick blood. I can’t see anything more. My vision is blood stained. The noise sharpens, it gets louder and I feel myself drowning from within myself.

In a room full of oxygen and no water, I feel breathless. I feel myself drowning from within myself. It’s a weird feeling like your mouth is hungry when your stomach is full. There is nothing more to describe this situation. I feel helpless.

(Awake)

I tell myself I can do this. I get up, put myself back together out of my bed. I walk to the washroom.

I drown my face in a bucket of water. I stay still under water for a while. This is my bucket of peace and there’s just not enough water to dip anything more.

I tell myself I can do this. I get up, put myself back together in bed. I patiently wait to fall back to sleep again.

(Asleep)

The redness gets blur now. My vision is still unclear. Now, it’s the reverse. But, it was that dream again. Everything is slow. It is too slow to count it on the clock, slower than seconds and fractions of seconds. It is the same dream but a different zone- a different vibe. None of this ever makes me feel nice. The noise has gone like something enveloped it away from this scene. The sun shines brightly now but, I’m craving moonlight. Dreams, when dreamt, in an existing dream can come true. The moonlight has fallen now. It’s dark and quiet, it’s the time when the devil in me is wide awake. This is the time when I feel awakened the most. It’s a clean picture, a beautiful scene when, I am alone surrounded by no one I can see. I get up slowly, fraction by fraction moving bone by bone and flesh in and out sticking up my body. I’m asleep and I am in this dream, but I feel awake and alive. There’s a sudden thirst within me, there’s a rush that’s driving me, that’s helping me gather myself like never before. It’s helping me asleep and awake.

Then, I run. I escape.

(Awake)

I drown my face in a bucket of water. I stay still under water for a while. This is my bucket of peace and there’s just not enough water to dip anything more.

I feel a tinge of extra peacemaking me think that the next time I fall asleep, it will only get better. When you think of something happening in a better way, does it actually happen in a better way? Do the inner positive vibes attract the new, old and existing ones? Does the universe fall to your feet, to make things right or wrong just because of a certain vibe? Could have I done this any better? Will it end my dream on a sweet note?

But.

But, then I remember- we were three or four of us in there.

There’s a sudden thirst within me, there’s a rush that’s driving me, that’s breaking me down again like never before. It’s breaking me when I’m awake. It’s broken me enough to keep me that way when I’m asleep.

I drown my face in a bucket of water. I stay still under water for a while. This is my bucket of peace and there’s just not enough water to dip anything more.