There is a paper-thin distance between us but is it what celibacy is?

It’s not the first time I have fought, it’s not the first time I have craved, and it’s not the first time we both are hurt. And it’s not the first time he consoled, explained and cuddled me until I slept off. I love him and he loves me too. But damn, those cravings spoil things!

Just when I thought autumn was forever, he came like spring in my life. Gave a new meaning to my existence and falling in love with him was completely effortless. Deep down in my heart I knew we were meant to be together. Like they say, we existed in each other all along. I couldn’t believe I had found my soulmate.

Tall, dark and handsome, and immensely understanding, what else could a girl ask for in her man? We shared the same interests and ambitions, which is why we got along instantly. He was everything that I wished for and he was everything that I needed.

In an arranged setup, I had found love. We were a perfect match. Life was amazing….until the passionate kiss we shared started turning sober and there were a few hiccups then.

We had a fairytale wedding and things were really fulfilling during our honeymoon phase. Smitten by each other, we made love occasionally, it would have been odd if we did not. Newlyweds do that. We went out on dates, saw movies together, helped each other in our daily chores, and there was lovemaking; not lots and lots of it, but enough to fulfil the desires.

As time passed, the unbridled passion started fizzing out. Things were calm and I was clueless. The closest I had heard of was from my girlfriend complaining about being pestered by her husband. This was something hideous to me.

Initially, I thought there must be someone else who is fulfilling his needs. Someone who can give him what I can’t. But that wasn’t the case, and doubting on him only left the bitter taste! I couldn’t even dream of hurting him and ending up doing it.

My man makes his presence felt but just doesn’t give in. We still spend as much time together as we can as we used to, although, we hug and kiss each other at moments and hold hands together; it all started appearing unfilled.

He is way beyond perfect to me. Supports me in all my endeavours, pushes me to work harder, gives space when needed, and stands by me whenever I need him. It feels me with immense happiness walking alongside him – I am sure a lot of girls envy me, and they should. He is mine.

There are romantic gestures, cards and bouquets; just not that more to it! And I crave!

This paper-thin distance between us frustrates me and makes my heart bleed. I want to hold him close(r), feel him against myself and be consumed by him. Though nothing wrong with him, this very thing leaves him cold. It’s just another thing for him.

“Love is not all about fleshly pleasures. It’s way deeper and has got to do more with our soul and emotions. I love you, I will love you till my last breath,” he explains in a mild tone. I know he will keep his promise. Forever. I understand that but feel guilty for asking more.

True, love is way deeper!

This story has been written by Prerna Jain which came to us through the submissions.

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