Where depression grows, and all hell breaks loose

Have you ever wondered, why negative thoughts and emotions keep on striking the mind all the time to a depressed person that it reaches a level where taking their own life, perhaps, starts appearing an easy way to get rid of it? Those thoughts start growing on a person to a level that everything starts appearing nothing to them, and somewhere, they start believing that the world doesn’t need them. After all, what exactly is depression?

And all we end up doing most times is we blame the one, or we empathise with one who is depressed, and we start looking for the reasons within the one, not in us.

We discard people. We make them feel left out for no reason. It starts becoming like they are present among us, but their presence is silently ignored. And it’s when knowing the very fact that they are suffering from depression.

What happens when you are loved by the people around you? Life simply becomes beautiful and worth living, doesn’t it? Take the reverse situation. No one around you loves you. Even worse, they don’t just notice you. Forget appreciating, they don’t even acknowledge you. People in your life that mean so much to you, don’t acknowledge your emotions and feelings. They don’t even try.

In such a situation, it’s obvious to feel unwanted. This is when negativity starts creeping into your system and your mind directs you toward something that is never desired. You start developing various perceptions about yourself like I’m not worth anything, this is exactly why no one likes me, my life is meaningless, etc.

This negative self-talk seeps into each aspect of your life. May it be at home, office or among friends. You get the feeling that no one wants to be with you because you’re made to believe that you aren’t worth anything. This thought is impinged on your mind and hammered continuously to such an extent that you stop seeing anything positive in your life.

Ironically, we are driven to this point by people who are with us, but shed us. It could happen in a marriage or a relationship, partners get discarded. Often parents end up neglecting their children. They may not get an adequate response to their emotional needs. This emotional neglect probably leads to a feeling of being unloved, unwanted.

The society we live in doesn’t truly get what depression is. And cries foul when someone depressed decides to leave the world. Who’s to blame, and who not to, is a tough question to answer.

Simple emotions could be neglected. Leading to a point, where they are discarded. Which is a consequential trigger. If negligence towards emotions becomes a repetitive act, depression is what seeks the mind, and there, it drains you.

A feeling of being discarded sets in when someone fails to do things that are so vital to you, like simply listen to you patiently. It can happen that someone is emotionally unavailable or absent at that very moment. If in relationships that matter the most to you, the emotional connect is absent, depression gradually seeps in.

For an instance, when your partner fails to notice, attend and respond to you in a timely manner, it could lead to severe consequences. You make continuous attempts for gaining the due attention but, in the bargain, you get driven to a level of desperation, and self-esteem gets compromised. It’s the stepping stone into a pit of negativity and depression.

The moment you start compromising on your self-esteem, it becomes a dangerous proposition. This pit is too deep and dark.

Talking about self-esteem and the feeling of belongingness, the theory propounded by Abraham Maslow can further explain this point. Maslow came up with the hierarchy of needs to give us the motivational theory in psychology. It mentioned five human needs in hierarchical levels in a pyramid. The hierarchical structure contained physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization needs.

When the needs are not fulfilled, you get motivated to achieve them. The severity of fulfilling these needs becomes strong when they are denied for a longer duration. Whenever a deficit need is more or less met, it will go away and then, you will move on to the next set of needs. So, if you want to achieve your higher goals and needs in life, like self-actualization, it’s necessary to fulfil the lower needs. So, if you don’t get love, and lack the feeling of belonging, your esteem needs take a beating.

When a need isn’t fulfilled, you might very well feel discarded.

Constant neglect actually is a sign of that you are discarding the other person, which is surely hurting. Sometimes it’s expressed overtly while at times, it’s covert. But, in either case, discarding someone is an act of demeaning to the one, and hits that person’s self-esteem.

People may get neglected if they lack communication skills, good looks, intelligence, smartness or just because they aren’t successful. In either case, when anyone is made feel no longer desirable, a feeling of worthlessness sinks deep into the mind. This emotional turmoil will probably drive to the darkest phase of depression.

Moreover, you will observe the peer pressure under which people direct their behaviour. Two-three people in a group (at office, among friends, or between relatives) dislike a person. These vibes spread like wildfire as others begin to snub, and at times, mock that person who becomes a target. This mob mentality is threatening.

When they derive sadistic pleasure out of pulling the person down continuously, the depression is bound to set in that person’s life, and the person will be haunted by a mixed feeling of anger and hurt every now and then.

Why we so conveniently ignore the circumstances that clutch a person to an extent of feeling of discardment, is a question that asks for an immediate answer. Sensitivity is the sign of a progressive society and we need to ask ourselves, if we have progressed and matured as a society!